Quality of Life and what to expect from life...

My last blog was "Life's Best Practices" and while I was thinking what should be my next one, I thought it will be good for me to define what can be the parameters of a "quality life" as far as I am concerned.

Before I proceed further, I would recommend a book "Thinking, Fast and Slow", by Daniel Kahneman (a nobel laureate) and from what I have read so far, which is very initial, preliminary reading, will have a profound impact on this particular blog.

Without getting too much into the details of the book, I would paraphrase an important concept of the book, which is "We are driven more by our impressions and feelings (Thinking Fast) that plays critical role in shaping our thoughts and intellect (Thinking Slow)". While I am not sure If I am well qualified to opine on this, but I do concur with the concept to a large extent. At a given point of time, what I am gauging is "Am I feeling good, Am I feeling bad, Am I happy, Am I sad, Do I like this, Do I not like this, Am I satisfied, What do I want, What do I not want, so on and so forth..." . Based on this, I would like to have a very simple definition of quality of life - "Am I feeling good or happy about life?". If the answer to this question is yes, then I am having a 'good' life.. if the answer to this question is no, then I am *not* having a 'good' life.

Before you jump on and try to judge this simplistic, minimalistic definition (which again is a function of 'Thinking Fast' system), I will acknowledge that every person is different and has different expectations, aspirations and definitions of a 'good' life and a term like 'quality of life' categorically demands a more holistic and deeper definition, but which I think is subjective for every individual and upto an them to define in a broader and narrower context.

Probably, a good indicator of your definition of what is a 'good' life is to think about the attributes of your good, potential spouse (if you are yet to marry) or go back to the time of defining the attributes of your good, potential spouse (if you are already married) [Note: This might not be applicable to people who found perfect love in their teens :-) , which some of my friends have, but still can be a good hint for defining a 'good' quality life]. For me, I was interested in looking at following parameters when I was doing my match making:

• Education
• Profession
• Personality
• Family background (read religion, caste, financial status, upbringing, etc)
• Potential
• Behavioural compatibility

While the above is a decent indicator of what I would include in the parameters of 'quality of life', it is only a subset of it and the other part of the parameters is attributed to what more I think I need to 'feel' good or happy about my life. I would like to quote one of other concept from the 'Thinking, Fast and Slow', which is 'We have excessive confidence in what we believe we know and apparent tendency to not acknowledge the extent of our ignorance and uncertainty in the world'. While again I am not sure if I am well qualified to opine on this, but I concur with this as well to a large extent. The first step to defining 'your' quality of life is to know yourself well and define 'what you want' a.k.a what will make you feel good/happy. The interesting part the book plays here is to bring out that 'We have excessive confidence in knowing what we want or what will make us feel good/happy and the apparent tendency to not acknowledge the ignorance we have to '*not*' know what we really want. 

One thing I have learnt is that 'Life is like a tread mill, you just have to keep running....'. 

From my perspective, I think I do have enough in my life to qualify for a 'good' quality of life, but I also think I have good, strong reasons to still believe that I do not have enough, to call my life as 'good'/'happy' life. What I realise is, life has thrown so much at me that I understand, rather know, that life is quite uncertain (which i don't know is good or bad).

Well, I can go on writing for a little longer, but I will like to keep the post short enough and end it with saying "While the life is definitely uncertain and we are quite ignorant as well, we still have to go about living it by planning/strategising and experiencing it."

 (Just to keep you interested in the book 'Thinking, Fast and slow', it mentions something about an 'experiencing self' and 'remembering self' and how they play a part in our lives :-) .... )

Life’s Best Practices :)

Life is a sequence of time and events, and it is more about what you do to it than what it does to you. While everyone’s circumstances are different and there is no magic wand or magic potion to help you sail through life, I think it makes sense to analyze what works best in it. This is an attempt to pen down some best practices I have found in my life...

Do the right thing(s) !

Your success does not depend on working hard, it depends on doing the right thing(s). Working hard might be one of the right things, at times. Just like it is important to do the right things, it is important not to do the ‘not right’ things. Invest and spend your time to find what is right in circumstances and different phases of life, and go about doing it. Defining ‘right’ is subjective to each individual and sometimes there might not be ‘the’ right thing and decision making comes to the fore here.

Find Good Mentors, and/but take your own decisions !

It's said “A picture is worth a 1000 words” and I would say “A good mentor is worth a 1000 friends”. Your first mentors are you parents, then the teachers and as your life progresses, you find less mentors when you are supposed to take up more responsibilities and handle more complexities. A good mentor can be the guiding light at different phases of life but remember that the path has to be traversed by you and it is very important to take own decisions and keep learning/growing along the way.

Invest in yourself - take responsibilities and keep learning !

The best investment that can happen is an investment in self. There are various ways to invest in self - like trainings, networking, reading and most importantly, taking up responsibility. It is important to have a positive frame of mind, believing in self and persist with learning and gaining expertise. Knowledge and skills should pay handsomely, in the long run.

Focus on health !

I think ‘Health should be considered as wealth’, which actually it is. It is highly advisable to focus on health - regular exercise, good sleep, right nutrition, managing stress, etc are all key ingredients to healthy living.

Give sufficient time and enjoyment to family !

Life feels longer when difficult and shorter when merry. It is important to have everything balanced, more so when it comes to Work-Life balance. The people who care for you the most are your family. Give sufficient time, care and love to family, take vacations, do enough leisure activities with them - Family is who cares the most for you.

Make lasting friendships/relationships !

Relationship is a two way street: While someone can be of help to you, there is immense happiness in being able to help someone out. It is not just about give and take; and a good company can be much more rewarding when it inspires and motivates ! 

Cultivate hobbies and follow interests !

While it is a lot about investments and returns in life, you should find time to cultivate some hobbies and follow your interests. A happy moment or a pleasant memory can help you survive some tough ones. You should be able to create enough fun in your life that helps you stay blessed.

VIVID(Broadway) show @ Berlin

Back in 2003, I went to UK as a rookie and was astonished and amazed with lot many things like cleanliness, Bus with GPS updates, 7-level underground metro/tubes, super trains, palaces, google maps, nightlife and so many other things.

Since then I have been at many foreign countries and have also experienced the changing India; and have not been astonished much in a very big sense. The cleanliness of the foreign still makes me awed, but i don’t miss much otherwise in India as such.

Yesterday, I was quite astonished and amazed… well, by a theatrical display - something called VIVID(Broadway) show at “Friedrichstadt-Palast Berlin”. It is difficult to describe it in words.. I won’t say it is a must watch but if you do happen to watch it - extravagance is an understatement for it, mesmerizing also probably might be an understatement, elegant definitely.. It was different.. Nothing close to what i have witnessed.. It was simply impossible to not clap and whistle. I will take a go at describing it, but I am afraid I will fall way short of it…

The show was a combination of live music, live dance, live singing, acrobatics, aerial acrobatics,  acro-dynamics(i have coined this term; don’t know how else to define what is saw) , fireworks, laser show, vivid mesmerizing colourful lights, extravagant costumes, animations, human-animation interaction, some live painting projected on a huge screen, it was definitely dangerously breath-taking for some of the artists, and all glued together as a light touching story. They even included one of the spectators in stage performance for 10 minutes.

We were in a huge auditorium .. may be 1000 people or more, at the top row to give a beautiful overview vision. The stage was magnificent podium.. And it was truly dynamic - black, semi-circular, around 40-50 meters wide and there was hardly anything that was not moving - it had rotation, it went up and down, it was broken into small/big sections which opened and people and instruments and ropes went inside it and came out.. There was a huge circular stage part in the middle of it .. which could be pivoted up to be used as digital display for projections.. There was a curtain for animation projection and at the back, there were live musicians.. The stage had an extension to first floor gallery where musicians, dancers and actors performed as well.

You can watch the trailer at this URL https://www.palast.berlin/en/.

The best part of it was, that at the end, it did not feel like a punch in your face.. It was simply soft, elegant and beautiful. It is something to be witnessed and experienced..

Beautiful...

It’s been ages that I am used to being called ‘Swaroop’ and it has never been hurting or pleasure-some. Well, it’s just my name. 

This week, I am in berlin and in a room with around 10 people, the client CTO (while practicing everybody’s name) said “Swaroop” is beautiful; such a beautiful name; I will remember it.

I have never thought, heard or expected anybody to say my name is “beautiful”.. Well, I don’t know what is beautiful in it, neither do I feel any beauty in it as such.. nor do I expect to ever hear this again.. 

But, it just surprised me and that memory is beautiful !

While I am pondering over this, I realize the beauty is not in the compliment, the beauty is of the person to say such a beautiful thing .. I have met so many people, heard so many names, but probably never have I complimented anybody for their name.. neither I have been complimented ever for my name … keep aside so much grace and beauty.

After all, my name is just another name !

Moving on, I found Berlin beautiful - though I have not been able to do sightseeing at all due to the worsening of my back problem.. I could find a lot of greenery here, there’s cleanliness, the buildings and architecture is beautiful, the public transport is great and the people have been very kind and generous with sharing of knowledge .. with their funny bones at display whole lot of times.. The uber drivers always wish “Have a good day.. have a good evening..”. Feels great, just coz I didn’t expect from them...

Apart from everything, for the first time - I found the crows to be beautiful.. Crows were not black.. But quite colorful.. Black head and beaks, but colorful feathers… 

All in all, a lot of beauty witnessed.. 

A beautiful world awaits inside

The modern life has brought upon a lot of pressure, stress, irritation and frustration in our lives. We are part of a generation that wants to grow in life, be it at any cost. I asked a question to my mother and mother-in-law : “What are the three most important things in life as per your experience of life?” at different times at different places and surprisingly, I got the same answer from both of them - “Food, Shelter and Clothes”. And I was thinking am I missing something, is that all about life - the most important things? The answer was staring me in my face - the times have changed and the pursuits of life have changed. And then I was again thinking, may be “food, shelter and clothes” are the most important things for a lot of people today as well, it’s just not for me.

There are a lot of important things, but the three most important things, as per my experiences are “people, money and health'', not necessarily in that order. The fact that I never had to struggle for either of food, shelter or clothes, doesn’t make me list them as important but since money can take care of not only each of those, but a lot of other necessities and luxuries as well, it is quite important.  Each of these entities are independent - people cannot provide for money and health, money cannot provide for people and health and health cannot provide for people and money.

At the end of the day, we want to be happy, content and satisfied. The entire life we spend running around is about satiating our needs, wishes, desires and greed. The realization of “important to me” is a mere tip of the iceberg and the whole world inside us awaits for our attention. The external behavior is just a small reflection of what lies inside us, our intrinsic world. The positivities and negativities are deeply ingrained into us and it can be quite challenging to understand and realize our intrinsic behavior. A person is the sum total of energy, feelings, emotions, thoughts, intelligence and our physical body. A beautiful world awaits to be created inside us, that which not only makes ourselves happy, content and satisfied but probably a few more souls around us can also benefit from it. It is probably just about understanding the importance of things !

x

Being lucky….

You should not be unlucky.. But, I guess, neither should you be a lucky chap. 

Luck is a cryptic word .. and I guess, it will continue to be so. In my personal life, I have seen people lose their lives in accidents, I have seen people lose a limb out of misfortune, I have seen people bear the brunt of extreme illness.. it can be absolutely shocking and extremely painful. Pray to god, we don’t end up on the wrong side of the luck.. It can just wipe us out !

On the other side, in my personal life, I haven’t seen people being lucky on similar magnitude as compared to the misfortunes I have witnessed. I guess it is a natural phenomenon to not have such a quantum of luck on your side. I have seen people move out of poverty, I have seen people get good jobs, I have seen people get promoted to good profiles, I have seen people start their companies.. But all of this, it has been slow and has been through their talent and efforts. I believe this is a good thing - to not be a lucky chap, to deserve what you have got, to have worked for your achievements. 

May be, it really takes a stroke of magic to be extremely lucky - to be somebody like M.S. Dhoni to have won a T20I world cup and ODI world cup as well. Nobody calls Steve Waugh’s or Ricky Ponting’s Australian team to be lucky, they were such a great team, played so well, they just deserved it. It is not out of luck, but out of talent, effort and attitude, should you be in possession of something.

Having said the above and not in a position to comprehend the luck enough, I guess, it is unfair to not attribute your talent and attitude to luck as well. We are born with attributes in a certain environment to certain people and this is the biggest piece of magic, the biggest piece of luck that I have seen in my personal life - to be born the person we are - the behavior, the environment, the aspirations, the constraints.. which is not so easy to comprehend or explain - perhaps of the same magnitude of the misfortunes I have witnessed. Perhaps, we are bound to be lucky or unlucky, whether we like or not !

x

Give yourself time…to want more

The more you want, the more you will try.

Dreams are a dime a dozen. it's their execution that counts.

• Theodore Roosevelt

Having a dream doesn’t guarantee its fulfilment. The efforts, the circumstances, the abilities, the luck all play their due part. Having acknowledged the different forces at interplay, we should understand the connected successes and failures influences - a toll on your psyche,  a toll on your thoughts, a toll on your behavior, a toll on your attitude. Success can make you content and failure can burn you out. Most of all, it takes a toll on what you want.

There is no end to desires, and people say the way to be happy is “limiting your desires”. May be, but then, you might limit your achievements as well. Much like a balanced diet, a balanced life is quintessential. The term ‘balanced’ is the tricky, the subjective aspect of the life. Even more tricky is you might not know if it is balanced or not, till it does becomes unbalanced.

What you want is what you can get. The quality of desire will decide the pursuit and the destinations. Give yourself time.. to ignite the wants, to want more, to want better. Try to have balanced desires but definitely keep wanting more.. more challenges, more relaxation, more learning, more achievements.. just, so much more.